“Aches and pains? You could have ‘Dormant Butt Syndrome’” exclaims an article from CBS News you couldn’t pay me not to click on.
Today, I learned that flat butts are actually a medical condition, and I no longer need to suffer alone in silence. I no longer feel guilty watching Snap stories of Khloe Kardashian doing squats instead of doing squats myself.
But today I would like to announce that I have finally been freed from my flat-butt insecurities. For many years I have ignorantly assumed that the flatness of my butt was my fault: I was simply born genetically unblessed, destined for every cookie I consumed to travel straight to my ab (I have one).